Tag: self-care

Small Changes I’ve Made To Reduce My Anxiety.

Little things that are helping my anxiety not be in control.

I have never been secretive about the fact that I suffer from Anxiety disorder. Nor am I oblivious to the fact that the older I get, and the more life experiences (and traumas) I face, the deeper and heavier the anxiety goes.

I found myself in a position where I was having major anxiety attacks more regularly. Over everything. It’s important to note that the ‘everything’ was also a series of nothing’s. And it got to a point where I had to stop myself and acknowledge that the damage I’m doing to my own health is becoming a problem. It was time I started to try out new things to start to eliminate the anxiety.

So, here are a few practices I’ve started doing which have actually started to produce much less anxiety outbursts (I just have to stick to them now).

The No Vaping Continues

If you read one of my recent posts, you’ll know I am currently in the early stages of eliminating nicotine from my life for good. I know addicts and fellow vapers hate the fact people keep saying it’s a real difference to your mental health when you stop but honestly, for me, it is. Am I still having moments where I pine for some flavoured air because I think it’ll soothe something? Sure. But every day that I don’t cave and go longer without I notice my mind become clearer and clearer. My asthmatic lungs are taking a while to heal, but I can’t magically solve everything at once can I?

I am focusing heavily on self-love.

I know there’ll probably be eye rolls at this. But it is true what they say, you become a magnet for all the energy you give out, if you don’t fall in love with yourself and be happy with who you are then how is anything going to be good enough for you? I am leaving this paragraph brief because I’m still ironing out some stuff and research on this which I will do a separate post in detail on. But what I will say is, self-love is always an ongoing journey. Whether you’re with someone or not. Read books that inspire you to love yourself, it will make a big difference to how you think about things.

Affirmations

Yeah, I know, I’m becoming that guy. I know there is a lot of judgement on manifesting and affirmations. But I have found that having those little talks with myself when I’m feeling a certain way and need to rewire myself to remember who the fuck I am. These have made a big difference. Especially if I start doing them when I feel a little shift in my emotion or like my anxiety is being triggered. It really helps bring you back in.

I am distancing myself from actively messaging

I think I may have touched on this before. But one thing that always made me heavily upset and anxious, was how I am always a person who messages quickly, replies and reassures heavily, but I have never had the same from other people. That’s okay, I’m not taking this opportunity to dig at others. But what I learned is, the only person who is feeling awkward about this is me. I am a people-pleaser. I shouldn’t be, but I am. I have recently decided to put myself first and have hours of screen time locks and on some days, I will remove notifications for a day. Sometimes, I’ll leave my phone at home or work for a day/night. I learned from doing all this that nothing disastrous happened. Breaking myself from the consistent need to be active on my phone has really worked wonders for my brain and made me a lot more relaxed in conversations.

(Obviously, I will still stress that communication is important and you should always express boundaries and meet people halfway if you can).

I’m doing things that are good for my mind and body

I’ve recently booked to have a massage. Which doesn’t sound like much, but I never have those. My body is tense AF and I made a decision that it is probably something my body really needs to have to feel better as a whole. It’s something I’m considering doing as a regular thing to take care of my body. I am also spending more time taking ‘mindful walks’. I don’t have headphones or any distractions, I just take a walk alone and acknowledge what’s present and around me. It does so many wonders for me and it also helps me think about events and situations more clearly when the algorithm isn’t manipulating me. Also, walking is good for your body too 😉

And lastly – I am slowly working on not caring about numbers of likes or attention. This is a work in progress, which I am sure I will blog about at some point .

There you have it. There’s a lil update on personal improvements I’m making. They might not work for everyone, but it’s definitely making a solid difference in my brain wiring. Anxiety doesn’t disappear, but it can be controlled.

Battling Imposter Syndrome

Have you ever felt like everything is a case of luck and that you’re the one who’s always unlucky? Do you always feel like no matter how accomplished you might feel with something, it’s not quite good enough, or even if it does meet your standards, that you don’t deserve it, and someone out there is going to expose you and remind you? If you feel like this a lot, then chances are that you’re just like me and you struggle with Imposter Syndrome.

I can’t remember a time where I didn’t feel overwhelmed with the idea of perfectionism. Everything has to be in some form of perfect perceived way otherwise it’s not real. Not to mention, I consistently feel like I don’t deserve any of the positivity or credit. I’m always reminding myself that there’s someone out there that is better than me, or deserves more than I do. 

Social media doesn’t help, when we are constantly battling for likes and attention on every platform possible and it is beyond degrading when it feels like no-one likes what I’m putting out there to the world. Imposter syndrome is especially hard when I’m struggling to be a writer. I have a jar I keep filling with random novel ideas (I’m not kidding, it’s a literal glass jar on my writing desk that I shove little idea notes in to come back to later), constantly coming up with and posting poetry and prose. But I always feel like I am never going to be deserving of being good enough to make it in the writing world. 

One really big symptom of Imposter syndrome that I wasn’t aware of until recently when I dug a bit deeper into the background of it, is burnout and overworking. This is something I am so guilty of. It’s really bad the things I do to my body to overwork myself into some form of perfectionism. I have skipped meals multiple times, worked insanely long hours, slept late because I feel like if I don’t prove myself and put things out there right now that everyone will realise I am useless and a fraud. 

It’s a horrible vicious cycle that I don’t quite know how to push myself out of. The bizarre reality of it all is, I’ve not had anyone (yet) insult my writing skills, or what I post, or made me feel like I’m rubbish and wasting my time at my dream. So why am I in a position where I feel like the moment something officially happens for me, that I’ll be exposed as someone who is never good enough? 

The truth is, I have no idea. All I can do is ride the waves of the lows and hope that I can prove my own inner demons and self doubts wrong. The truth is there will be people out there who won’t back me, who won’t enjoy whatever work I put out there. That doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to live my dream though does it? 

Writing has become my therapy with imposter syndrome and trying to battle it and overcome it in my own little ways. It’s easy for me to write sad poetry, or prose about being broken or failing, but now I’m trying to lean towards writing more positive things. Big myself up more. Remind myself that we are all deserving of the lives we really want. Whether I overcome imposter syndrome and make something out of my dreams, only time is going to tell on that one.

But I’m not going to give up. Watch this space.