40 Things I learned before I turned 40.

I am turning 40 years old – eek! 

It’s true what they say, when you hit certain ages or milestones, you have a lot of time to look back and reflect on various areas of your life, whether you’re proud of your past, or still trying to achieve all the things you thought you would. One night, I sat down and decided to write down 40 things I learned before I turned 40. And I am going to post these lessons here. Some will have a written backstory or comment to it, some will just be stuck there as a statement.

1. Your childhood is over before you know it – Pretty self explanatory one to start with, it goes in a flash. It’s scary.
2. School bullies are a temporary burden, it will shape a lot of who you become, but it will not define you.
3. The beliefs you grew up with, are not always accurate – In life, we are going to experience many different phases, but part of growing as a person is understanding that not everything you’re brought up with turns out to be true. It’s all part of life’s little lessons.
4. It’s okay to not want the same things your friends, family or society think you should want. It’s okay to have different beliefs. It’s okay to not force yourself into things you don’t want, be it marriage, kids, religion etc just because other people are doing it. You’re here to please yourself. Not anyone else.
5. Appreciate the lesson in every story. It’s sometimes not always obvious, but there’s always a lesson somewhere.
6. Social media likes are not a validation of your worth. I cannot stress this enough!
7. Be careful with your money (I wish I learned this one 20 years ago, help! I’m broke!)
8. A late diagnosis might be more hurtful than you realise, but accept it and adjust to how you tackle it. – I finally got diagnosed with ADHD when I was 25, (I also, according to everyone I’m close to, have all the Autism symptoms, but we won’t dive into that now). When I got the diagnosis, instead of feeling relief that there were genuine answers to all of my behaviours and personality, I spent a lot of time grieving over all the things that could have been different if I somehow had been diagnosed at a much younger age. But in any grieving situation, I adjusted to the fact I cannot change what did or didn’t happen, but I can control/monitor how I manage it for the rest of my life.
9. You can overcome everything you’ve been through, and you have. It just takes time.
10. You don’t have to win at everything. Sometimes it is better to lose.
11. Nature is a blessing that is taken for granted way too much.
12. It is never too late to have it all figured out, in fact, you will never have everything figured out. Life would be boring if you did!
13. Appreciate the older family members, they will not be in your life for as long as you assume they will.
14. You are going to be disliked by a lot of people, and that’s life. – I am still struggling a lot with this one!
15. Insults will scar you for a long time, but make more of an effort to hold on to the compliments just as much. – I’m still trying to adjust to this one, and it’s hard but it is also something that we need to address more in life.
16. Beware of lovebombing. It’s not as romantic and real as you think it is. – I wish 25-37 year old me had learned this sooner.
17. Acknowledge when you’re engaging with a toxic person, and more importantly, when you might be the toxic person. – sometimes you need to be a bit more aware of your surroundings and who you’re becoming.
18. Look after your body more, you will regret it when you don’t.
19. You might not ever get rid of anxiety, but you can have control on how much it controls you.
20. Your thoughts and feelings are not always facts. – I think as an anxiety sufferer this one is hard. It is so important that we acknowledge that feelings are not factual, it’s not easy, but we really have to acknowledge the evidence before us sometimes and take everything else as unknown. I am still very much working on this lesson. But it was an important one to address.
21. You’ll encounter many narcissists in your life, learn the patterns and walk away from what doesn’t serve you – This one is a very important lesson that I think I know a lot of you will relate to. We all have found ourselves in toxic relationships or friendships throughout our lives, and sometimes it can be really hard to see the patterns and walk away. The main pattern I will say to you, is if someone is failing to ever acknowledge bad behaviour or something has upset you, and turn it on to you in a way that makes you question your own feelings and self…. Anyone who makes you feel that way should not be in your life, you are well within your right to walk away from what does not serve you.
22.  It is NOT selfish to put yourself first.
23. Bitterness might make you feel good, but it achieves nothing. – Oh boy, do I relate heavily to this one. I am ashamed to admit that until recently, I spent a majority of my life being a very bitter and jealous person. I hated the fact that I felt I was always unlucky and never getting what I wanted, people around me were being successful and achieving their goals and instead of experiencing happiness for them and knowing my time would come eventually, I got really negative and jealous. Honestly, it did nothing for me. Being bitter or jealous is NOT going to change anything about what’s happening. Now, instead of being bitter and jealous, I address when I’m feeling that way and think to myself what is making me feel like this and what can I change about my own life and patterns to overcome this feeling?
24. Don’t burn yourself out for people who don’t appreciate it.
25. There is an art in being grateful for even the small things.
26. Life is short. – Goes without saying, I have lost a lot of people in this lifetime, some have been taken away way too soon. It really makes you think about the concept that we just don’t know when our time is, so make the most of every day as much as you can.
27. Writing is not an overnight success, it’ll be hard as hell. – Honestly- why can’t I just wake up in the morning and have a successful fully written best-selling poetry book or novel ready to go? Damn this is hard work!
28. Communication is the key, never take it for granted.
29. The only person who is ever going to be permanently in your life all the way, is you.
30. Sometimes you’re the bad guy. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. – This is one of the most important lessons that I have learned. I’ve always been a very self-aware person, which I think is important. That doesn’t always mean that I’ve been a good person in a lot of people’s stories. We make a lot of mistakes in life, sometimes we can hurt people intentionally or not. Sometimes people may have been around me at a time when I was very negative about my life and therefore reacted personally in bad ways. It’s naive for anyone to think that they are always in the right, or always the victim. We all do bad things sometimes, we will be the villain in some stories. But the important thing is, not to let it get you down. Remind yourself that there were things you learned from those experiences, and grow as a person. 
31. People-pleasing is a quality you need to reduce.
32. “The minute you stop trying to find it, it’ll find you.” – This was actually a quote I heard recently when watching the film ‘Cloud Atlas’. It stuck with me. It’s also one of the truest quotes I’ve ever heard. Sometimes we spend too much time chasing things or looking for things but don’t understand that sometimes the universe has a reason for not letting us find it there and then. Things will always find you, when the time is right.
33. ‘Co-existing socials’ are an underrated positive way to spend time. – I only started doing this recently, a friend suggested it actually, and it is a really good suggestion to give to those of you who feel like you don’t see your friends enough but also have so much to do, whether it be completing a crafty project, writing something or reading a book. Meet up with a friend but take your project with you. Spend a couple of regular intervals chatting but then take some time to sit together in silence while you both work on whatever project you’re doing. It’s so good for the soul, honestly! 
34. Sometimes a person’s behaviour towards you is not about you. – This was a hard lesson for me to learn as we naturally always take things personally. We think that a person ignoring us or mistreating us is because we’re in the wrong, but most of the time, it’s nothing to do with us. It’s how that person is feeling about themselves (I mean, look at my lesson 23 as an example).
35. There is always a reason and story behind everyone you meet, you will never know the full extent of it.
36. Cleaning and organising your surroundings does wonders for your mental health. – I used to get so sick of reading this in every self-help book and roll my eyes, but it’s actually true. Even little things like rearranging your room in a tidier way, or finally getting around to doing that deep clean is a massive weight lift mentally. Your surroundings really DO affect your mental health.
37. Take the time to check in on people when you can, you never know what it might mean to someone. …sometimes we never reach out or say what we want to say out of fear, but life is too short to fear everything. Reach out to people. Check in. Say what you want to say. You never know how much it can change someone’s life. Or yours even.
38. Be aware of those who are only happy when they are slating someone else. – As the saying goes, ‘be careful of those who are talking negatively at the table, you’ll be the topic when you leave’ or something like that. There’s nothing wrong with a good vent or moan to close friends about a particular situation, but be mindful if a person you are spending your time with does nothing but speak negatively of others.
39. Spend more time with real life and less time letting technology overwhelm you. – I will consistently preach about this for as long as I can! We are sadly now in a generation where we feel we cannot live without technology. Our phones are tied to us at all times, children rarely play outside anymore, it’s a tech world we live in, it has it’s positives, but one of my favourite things to do now is have regular intervals where I leave my phone at home, or on airplane mode, and go out in nature, or have a rule to not get my phone out at all while I’m with friends. Appreciate the world around you and its real contents, you never know how long you’re in it for.
40.  It is never too late to keep growing. – I may be turning 40, but I know I still have a lot to learn and a lot of growing to do. I’m okay with not having it all figured out yet, I’m also excited for what comes next, and how much more I can grow into who I want to be.

I hope you enjoyed my 40 lessons post. Maybe some of it was relatable for you (or nonsense) but I feel really good about writing this, so even if this post sits and gets nothing but air, I’m content with myself for doing this.

Thanks for reading, until next time!