This post is something that has been lurking around in my brain for quite some time. I will pre-warn you in advance, this post does not provide any ‘cure’ for this feeling. It’s just a chance for me to express some personal thoughts from my own experiences.
Unfortunately for me, particularly in the last decade. I tend to be a Situation-ship Princess. I don’t purposely do it, I just always seem to find myself dating men who never quite see a future relationship (or worse, just not seeing one with me).
I’ve had a few situations over the years where I’ve been in a dating scenario with someone and before it gets serious, it falls apart, and I always feel like it’s wrong for me to feel sad or talk about it because you always get the reactions of ‘but it wasn’t serious, you weren’t together’.
I felt silly for feeling upset and hurt so much about it, because we were never relationship labelled or ‘serious’, there’s a whole myth around what you can and can’t be upset over I think. So I pondered heavily over why it felt like something that wasn’t serious was hurting me so much.
It comes down to the basic fact that: labels or not, when you are communicating or connecting with someone on a daily basis, over a period of time, you are going to become attached. It’s unavoidable. When that attachment stops, it can still feel exactly like you’ve just lost a relationship. In reality, you have. It was only the label that was missing.
For me personally, I understand there’s genuine reasons why something can’t work out. Everything happens for a reason, sometimes the timing is off, maybe something will change in the future at a different time. Maybe you just dated an arsehole (this has happened to me a fair few times), I think the thing I personally struggle with, is the change.
It’s sudden. You go from having someone in your life everyday, then out of nowhere, it stops. For me it’s the ongoing feeling that you no longer hear from them, they no longer want to talk to you, they don’t miss you or think of you like you are them, and that is what gets me crying randomly at quiet intervals. I wasn’t hurt because they had been cruel in any way, or that there wasn’t good reason. It’s that horrible feeling when you miss something and you know that it’s possibly the opposite for them. (I say possibly because, you never know how it is for someone else).
Maybe it’s an ego thing, but I get hurt by the concept that I’m the person a guy can just forget about, feelings disappear completely like it was never a big deal, it’s the sad realisation that I was just so easy to cut out of their life. Which is a common hurtful feeling to have in any situation when someone you care about no longer feels the same way and can get on with things without giving you a second thought.
I guess the purpose of this post was to get my feelings off my chest. But also to explain to anyone who experiences these things: it is okay for you to be hurt or upset no matter how ‘serious’ someone else was about you.
We live in a generation now where people are afraid to ‘miss out’ on other options, or focus on one person. So these casual dating scenarios are more common than we’d like. It is okay to feel hurt and like you’ve been lied to or however you want to feel. No-one is in your shoes, we all feel differently.
It’s important really, that we change this narrative of ‘but you weren’t together though so it’s not that big a deal’. Any connection you make is a big deal to you.
So if you have a friend who’s upset over someone who ended something casual, be mindful that we are all different in how we function.
Situationships don’t necessarily hurt more than a relationship break up, we just feel like they do because the lack of labels indicates it wasn’t serious enough to be sad about, so the frustration and hurtful feeling multiplies a little.. as you feel it’s a feeling you aren’t allowed to experience. But you are totally okay to feel however you want to feel.
If it felt real for you, it’s the same as a break-up. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Positive, Yet Cynical 